Not all Pharisees were hypocrites. Many sought out Christ and He dined with them. He had lasting friendships among them. However "Pharisaical" has become synonymous with hypocritical. Jesus said, "Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith: these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone."
We all sin daily and fall short of God's glory. We are normally remorseful and seek forgiveness. This sin so often springs from ignorance and failures to exercise diligence. Sin is inexcusable and yet seemingly unavoidable. Our common lot is a daily miserable state of wretchedness! Like the apostle we seek deliverance from this "body of death." "A just man falleth seven times and rises up again." Proverbs 24:16
There is a condition of sinfulness which is not the result of accident or ignorance. It is a willful construction, intentional and purposeful from a calloused heart. It is taught and mentored. It is rooted in pride and self glory rather than seeking the glory of others. While we are taught that the blessed life is found in poverty of spirit this condition is never remorseful nor repentant.
It exacts the law in ways that Christ warned, "ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin".
It is pressing, forcible and and urgent, efforts to obtain the desirable and appropriate demand for self fulfillment. To rise above the common lot of men and be seen as successful and self determined. Often this is seen in efforts to achieve victorious Christian living and an absorption with the overcoming life.
The end of the last century and the beginning of this century we saw a revival of Phariseeism in the form of John Darby and C. I. Scofield's dispensationalism. "Ye exact the Bible for the scientific and precise meaning of every word," Christ would surely say. Not content to see through a glass darkly with our "fragmented and disconnected" words and our utter dependency on the Holy Spirit to be progressively sanctified, we were given a glorified form of the Word. Perfection had come in the form of a Bible, not a translation but a reference Bible that gives the "vital reality" "wholly lacking...in expository novelties and merely personal views and interpretations." "The last fifty years have witnessed an intensity and breath of interest in Bible Study unprecedented in the history of the Christian Church." That which is perfect has come in the form of scientific minds, great men, humbly acknowledged in the third person by Scofield himself! Reference the Introduction to the Scofield Reference Bible
How arrogant can a man be? All this is "clear to his mind," and the "invaluable collaboration of a wide circle of spiritual and experienced Bible students and teachers in England and the United States." This is the works of men and then to seal out the Holy Spirit's assistance it is acknowledged in near blasphemous tones that these "injunctions," scientific determinations, are equivalent to the "commandments of the Lord." see Scofield's note to I Cor 14:1 item 5 old Bible edition
"Thank you, Holy Spirit, we don't need you and our word is equivalent to the writing of the Apostle Paul!" Phariseeism! At it's worst! So prevalent in today's American evangelical community. Many have abandoned the Scofield Reference Bible, however the wicked self-absorbed spirit remains in the form of Spiritless expository preaching and discipleship programs. Adrian and Joyce Rogers have been the chief proponents of this Phariseeism. Hardly any part of evangelical Christianity is unsoiled by this science.
January 8, 2009
January 7, 2009
Rogers' Island
Greg Alford on Southern Grits and Sovereign Grace deals with the issue of SBC and Pelagianism.
He is a scholar I aspire to be. He commented last night Tue Jan 06, 09:55:00 PM 2009 to Wade's blog, Grace and Truth to You: But I do know that the “vast majority of Southern Baptist hold Pelagian beliefs of some sort or another…” Then I responded this morning at 7:29 AM.
This is the point I am crudely making on my blog with real person accounts in ways that are offensive to people. See Anon's comments on my two previous post and I am certain we will hear from him again today. He cowardly refuses to reveal his identity. He makes "drive by comments" and my windows are full of bullet holes! Ha! Naturally his comments are emotional and baseless.
Adrian Rogers built a ministry on the sandy mythical island of human goodness. He falsely attributes this goodness to an enablement of God's grace, so stated in his BF&M. His methodology insist on the existence of this island and the people he leads to Christ live on a similar island. On this island a sinner can make a choice to accept or reject Christ. Naturally he is not clear if everyone lives on an island like this or if only the elect. It seems from his altar call methods everyone, that is everyone in the building, do live on such an island.
This is a variation of Pelagianism and Pelagianism is heretical! Is this variation also heretical? In my opinion I tend to think so with growing understanding of it. Can you make a decision for Christ on a sandy mythical foundation and then move to a secure place, which he calls eternal security? (and boast that you are a one point Calvinist) I don't think so.
He has denied original sin, total depravity, election, predestination, sovereignty and unconditional grace. How close to heresy can you get?
I believe that he lived his "regenerate" life on this island and claimed growth in "sanctification" and by conduct even "glorification!" This is the reason for the charismatic attraction that his followers saw in him. "He could do no wrong." From childhood he and Joyce were such good people! He could build a great ministry without anyone questioning him. He was virtually unaccountable to anyone. Boards and committees were just mirrored reflections of his views.
When Joyce rushed to Steve Gaines to get an affirmation that her husband did not know about the awful crimes of Paul Williams she was asserting residence on this mythical island. Listen to me, Steve Gaines, a man just like Dr. Rogers in theology, saw for himself the sandy foundation she stood on and could not affirm her request. I believe that day her house crumbled from a faulty foundation.
While everyone else all around her were tainted with Adam's awful sin, she and her husband were clean from this issue. Adrian Rogers sits weeping in heaven.
He is a scholar I aspire to be. He commented last night Tue Jan 06, 09:55:00 PM 2009 to Wade's blog, Grace and Truth to You: But I do know that the “vast majority of Southern Baptist hold Pelagian beliefs of some sort or another…” Then I responded this morning at 7:29 AM.
This is the point I am crudely making on my blog with real person accounts in ways that are offensive to people. See Anon's comments on my two previous post and I am certain we will hear from him again today. He cowardly refuses to reveal his identity. He makes "drive by comments" and my windows are full of bullet holes! Ha! Naturally his comments are emotional and baseless.
Adrian Rogers built a ministry on the sandy mythical island of human goodness. He falsely attributes this goodness to an enablement of God's grace, so stated in his BF&M. His methodology insist on the existence of this island and the people he leads to Christ live on a similar island. On this island a sinner can make a choice to accept or reject Christ. Naturally he is not clear if everyone lives on an island like this or if only the elect. It seems from his altar call methods everyone, that is everyone in the building, do live on such an island.
This is a variation of Pelagianism and Pelagianism is heretical! Is this variation also heretical? In my opinion I tend to think so with growing understanding of it. Can you make a decision for Christ on a sandy mythical foundation and then move to a secure place, which he calls eternal security? (and boast that you are a one point Calvinist) I don't think so.
He has denied original sin, total depravity, election, predestination, sovereignty and unconditional grace. How close to heresy can you get?
I believe that he lived his "regenerate" life on this island and claimed growth in "sanctification" and by conduct even "glorification!" This is the reason for the charismatic attraction that his followers saw in him. "He could do no wrong." From childhood he and Joyce were such good people! He could build a great ministry without anyone questioning him. He was virtually unaccountable to anyone. Boards and committees were just mirrored reflections of his views.
When Joyce rushed to Steve Gaines to get an affirmation that her husband did not know about the awful crimes of Paul Williams she was asserting residence on this mythical island. Listen to me, Steve Gaines, a man just like Dr. Rogers in theology, saw for himself the sandy foundation she stood on and could not affirm her request. I believe that day her house crumbled from a faulty foundation.
While everyone else all around her were tainted with Adam's awful sin, she and her husband were clean from this issue. Adrian Rogers sits weeping in heaven.
January 6, 2009
The Sin Of The Pharisees
The sin of the Pharisees was neglecting the weightier matters of the law. Matthew 23:23 In terms of importance this sin is a greater sin. It is committed willfully, repeatedly and knowingly with a calloused heart.
Only with the assistance of the Holy Spirit can the Christian properly discern the presence of sin but also the deceptiveness of the heart. Left to our own human devices we are certainly always going to be deceived.
Most American evangelicals believe that the only Gentile condition for salvation is believing and without delay the Holy Spirit is obligated to save. (see Schofield note 2 g - Acts 2:4) This places the final decision on the individual and eliminates both the willful desire of the Father and the fulfilling work of the Holy Spirit.
There has created a false belief that the inspired Word from the Holy Spirit is replaced with the rational discourse of the "mere" mind of man who properly exegetes the Word. (Schofield note ICor 14:1) He who properly exegetes the Word has the presence of God Himself. Believing this exegesis obligates God to act according to his Word. This human twisting of God's arm is shameful and brings awful consequences.
The Pharisees believed that a strict legalism obligates God to honor their reverence and obediance. American Evangelicalism denounces Pharisaical legalism and embraces easy believism.
Both groups create a false "island of righteousness" from which springs all sorts of hypocrisy.
That sin is religious pride, tedious devotion to outward conformance (self perfection) to the neglect of the important matters (the glory of others).
So let me say that when Joyce Rogers sought the protection of her husband's legacy she was acting from this "island of righteousness" and neglected a prayerful searching of the mind of Christ from the Holy Spirit. She was "pharisaical" shamefully so and failed to denounce the awful sin of Paul Williams and did harm to the one who bore the painful consequence of that criminal act, Chris Williams. She thought only of herself and nothing at all of Chris. She, of all people, should have made a public display with the same fervency she rushed to protect her husband and embraced Chris Williams. That is what Christ would have done!
She of all people should have led the congregation back to God, allied with Steve Gaines seeking to repair the breech between an offended God and a broken church. No, she jumped ship!
She has now reaped the consequences of opposition to Calvinism. The teaching of Pelagius has bore it's fruit and reaped it's awful destruction. People still will say "theology is not important!"
"Though she is wrong she is sincere! God love her." That won't cut it!
Only with the assistance of the Holy Spirit can the Christian properly discern the presence of sin but also the deceptiveness of the heart. Left to our own human devices we are certainly always going to be deceived.
Most American evangelicals believe that the only Gentile condition for salvation is believing and without delay the Holy Spirit is obligated to save. (see Schofield note 2 g - Acts 2:4) This places the final decision on the individual and eliminates both the willful desire of the Father and the fulfilling work of the Holy Spirit.
There has created a false belief that the inspired Word from the Holy Spirit is replaced with the rational discourse of the "mere" mind of man who properly exegetes the Word. (Schofield note ICor 14:1) He who properly exegetes the Word has the presence of God Himself. Believing this exegesis obligates God to act according to his Word. This human twisting of God's arm is shameful and brings awful consequences.
The Pharisees believed that a strict legalism obligates God to honor their reverence and obediance. American Evangelicalism denounces Pharisaical legalism and embraces easy believism.
Both groups create a false "island of righteousness" from which springs all sorts of hypocrisy.
That sin is religious pride, tedious devotion to outward conformance (self perfection) to the neglect of the important matters (the glory of others).
So let me say that when Joyce Rogers sought the protection of her husband's legacy she was acting from this "island of righteousness" and neglected a prayerful searching of the mind of Christ from the Holy Spirit. She was "pharisaical" shamefully so and failed to denounce the awful sin of Paul Williams and did harm to the one who bore the painful consequence of that criminal act, Chris Williams. She thought only of herself and nothing at all of Chris. She, of all people, should have made a public display with the same fervency she rushed to protect her husband and embraced Chris Williams. That is what Christ would have done!
She of all people should have led the congregation back to God, allied with Steve Gaines seeking to repair the breech between an offended God and a broken church. No, she jumped ship!
She has now reaped the consequences of opposition to Calvinism. The teaching of Pelagius has bore it's fruit and reaped it's awful destruction. People still will say "theology is not important!"
"Though she is wrong she is sincere! God love her." That won't cut it!
January 5, 2009
Joyce Rogers' Sin
A H Strong in his Systematic Theology says that everyman is by nature (not) prone to every form of sin. This is because some forms of sin exclude others. For example the sin of stinginess may exclude the sin of luxury, the sin of pride may exclude the sin of sexual desires. Strong references Matthew 23:23 as a scriptural illustration.
Joyce Rogers' strong sinful pride drove her to announce her husband's innocence before a Memphis TV channel 5 reporter and then call Mike Fleming's radio talk show on AM 600, WREC defending her husband's innocence of Paul Williams' horrible crime.
She acted on pride and failed to denounce the awful sin of Paul Williams. A sin of commission excluded a sin of omission. "We who teach shall be judged with a greater strictness." James 3:1; Luke 12:48
Not only did she fail to denounce Paul Williams with the intensity she defended her husband's integrity she led by example an arrogant walkout of Steve Gaines and her beloved Bellevue thus leading to a massive following of folks. This has lead to a large lay-off of regular laborers at Bellevue and perhaps even more. A Church she and her husband built she has helped destroy.
To the praise of Steve Gaines Bellevue is rebuilding with a newer vision.
Reference my previous posts here, here and here
Joyce Rogers' strong sinful pride drove her to announce her husband's innocence before a Memphis TV channel 5 reporter and then call Mike Fleming's radio talk show on AM 600, WREC defending her husband's innocence of Paul Williams' horrible crime.
She acted on pride and failed to denounce the awful sin of Paul Williams. A sin of commission excluded a sin of omission. "We who teach shall be judged with a greater strictness." James 3:1; Luke 12:48
Not only did she fail to denounce Paul Williams with the intensity she defended her husband's integrity she led by example an arrogant walkout of Steve Gaines and her beloved Bellevue thus leading to a massive following of folks. This has lead to a large lay-off of regular laborers at Bellevue and perhaps even more. A Church she and her husband built she has helped destroy.
To the praise of Steve Gaines Bellevue is rebuilding with a newer vision.
Reference my previous posts here, here and here
January 4, 2009
My Testimony: My Day Of Pentecost
Remember my previous post of a secret cloud hanging over my head from age 13. Now I am going to tell you something about myself that occurred despite this unknown cloud. Sanctification is a life long process initiated at regeneration and continuing toward glorification. Glorification takes place at a glorious time of the Christian life, his or her death! Death, where is your sting?
Many of you will struggle with this testimony because you have dispensational issues. So don't just throw the baby out with the bath water. Read and rejoice or shelf it for contemplation.
Growing up Pentecostal I struggled with what was erroneously called the "baptism of the Holy Spirit." This baptism is regeneration. I Cor 12: 13 This baptism is a necessity for the new birth and a walk with Christ. It was the baptism of Jesus and the promise of the Father and the experience of Pentecost we sought. In my eight years of tarrying in my hometown church for this experience, I never realized a Biblical fulfilment of this promise. (only those of you familiar with classical Pentecostalism understand this) I never achieved the confidence that I was truly baptized with the Holy Spirit. This was probably because I was never taught the Biblical pattern for baptisms. I was unquestionably baptized by the Holy Spirit and had been baptized in water (trinitarian baptism) by a faithful minister but it was the baptism of Jesus and the promise of the Father I sought. I did not understand this nor did I know that I did not have to seek it! It was a promise and a gift.
In 1966 I was drafted into the Army and was stationed at Dachau, Germany. Our post was part of the concentration camp and our barracks were formerly for Hitler's SS troops. Across from our barracks was a small military chapel and we started a Pentecostal fellowship. Glen Wise was the fellowship leader and G. A. Swanson was the servicemen's representative for the Church of God European Servicemen's Department.
One night prior to our departure for the Kaiserslautern Serviceman's Camp meeting I was again tarrying along with others in the service. As usual it was getting late (time is never a factor in a Pentecostal service!) and in exhaustion I slipped from the altar and went back to my pew.
I sat down ready to go and get some rest for the long ride to Kaiserslautern, the next morning.
The first Biblical hint about this Pentecostal experience is I was "sitting" and more than likely when the seasonally southerly Egyptian wind blasted into the upper room in Jerusalem their "one accord" minds were not necessarily of a spiritual concern. They had been there for ten days! Maybe some were praying, some were testifying or singing. But there had to be some young Davids sneaking a peek at a young Mary at the back of the room. And there were some tired saints wishing they could retire to a sleeping mat somewhere. There were probably people huddled reminiscing of favorite times with Christ.
The only command was to tarry in Jerusalem not Dachau! When Jesus from heaven poured out the promise of the Father on the obedient 120 disciples it began a flow that has not stopped over the face of the earth. They tarried for Jesus' baptism. That is all the tarrying to be done!
We are not waiting on Jesus, He is waiting on us! The irony is that you are waiting on Jesus! No! You are the holdup! If you want this bad enough you will receive it. Ironically your tarrying is the very hindrance because it is a gift and a promise.
I was entering my ninth year of tarrying! I was not giving up but this altar experience was not working and it would not work. I was "sitting" and suddenly I was filled with the promise of the Father! I leaped into the air feeling like I would reach the ceiling. Before my feet touched the floor I was speaking in tongues and praising God. I was endued with power from on high.
Everyone looked back to see what the commotion was. The tarrying stopped and all joined me in praising God. We rejoiced back to the Wise's quarters and that night I knelt by the couch, my bed, and prayed away most of the night in tongues. At Kaiserslautern I met up with fellowship brethren from Munich and we rejoiced in the German streets running, speaking in tongues and praising God. Were the Germans understanding us? I don't know. Was there a gift of interpretation of tongues? I don't think so. We had a personal prayer language. I know that.
So here is the application. I believe it was Tozer who said "no one was filled with the Holy Spirit in a way that he doubted he was filled!" If you doubt you were filled then you probably were never filled. There are two conditions. This sounds contradictory doesn't it? First, sit down, stop resisting, stop hindering and start believing in Christ to baptize you. Let him 'gift' you this promise. He will not 'gift' you a stone or a snake. His eagerness to 'gift' you is greater than your expectation to receive it. Can't you see the self hindrances you put up? I can already hear you saying, "now that speaking in tongues is crazy!" "I will never do that!" "You'll never catch me jumping up and acting a fool!" Well, let me say, you won't receive it! You will never experience the baptism of Christ though you know the baptism of the Holy Spirit.
Second and connected to the first is you have to "hit the street" with this baptism. You have to "go into the world" speaking the marvelous mysteries of God. You have to proclaim it in the market place, every place that commerce is transacted you have to be heard and not just seen.
Now this will not be a decision on your part to be heard and not just seen. It is a product of the filling. You will be swept outside. If you are not being heard in the streets then you have not been filled. Absolutely! Not seen in the world but heard in the world. Shame and this baptism don't mix. Bashfulness is swept away by this baptism. If you are ashamed and bashful before the world, if you are intimidated by what men think or say, YOU HAVE NOT BEEN BAPTIZED BY CHRIST IN BIBLICAL FASHION.
Well, I said many of you will not be able to receive this and now you know why! Go, sit, contemplate your commitment and then receive this promise. Maybe, though I truly doubt it, you may receive this endowment with out acting like a fool and "speaking in tongues" but when you are filled you will know it. You will speak the mysteries of God and that in itself is a "foreign language" to most evangelicals today. When you are filled and you know it "speaking in tongues" will be a piece of cake and the world will think you are a fool!
Many of you will struggle with this testimony because you have dispensational issues. So don't just throw the baby out with the bath water. Read and rejoice or shelf it for contemplation.
Growing up Pentecostal I struggled with what was erroneously called the "baptism of the Holy Spirit." This baptism is regeneration. I Cor 12: 13 This baptism is a necessity for the new birth and a walk with Christ. It was the baptism of Jesus and the promise of the Father and the experience of Pentecost we sought. In my eight years of tarrying in my hometown church for this experience, I never realized a Biblical fulfilment of this promise. (only those of you familiar with classical Pentecostalism understand this) I never achieved the confidence that I was truly baptized with the Holy Spirit. This was probably because I was never taught the Biblical pattern for baptisms. I was unquestionably baptized by the Holy Spirit and had been baptized in water (trinitarian baptism) by a faithful minister but it was the baptism of Jesus and the promise of the Father I sought. I did not understand this nor did I know that I did not have to seek it! It was a promise and a gift.
In 1966 I was drafted into the Army and was stationed at Dachau, Germany. Our post was part of the concentration camp and our barracks were formerly for Hitler's SS troops. Across from our barracks was a small military chapel and we started a Pentecostal fellowship. Glen Wise was the fellowship leader and G. A. Swanson was the servicemen's representative for the Church of God European Servicemen's Department.
One night prior to our departure for the Kaiserslautern Serviceman's Camp meeting I was again tarrying along with others in the service. As usual it was getting late (time is never a factor in a Pentecostal service!) and in exhaustion I slipped from the altar and went back to my pew.
I sat down ready to go and get some rest for the long ride to Kaiserslautern, the next morning.
The first Biblical hint about this Pentecostal experience is I was "sitting" and more than likely when the seasonally southerly Egyptian wind blasted into the upper room in Jerusalem their "one accord" minds were not necessarily of a spiritual concern. They had been there for ten days! Maybe some were praying, some were testifying or singing. But there had to be some young Davids sneaking a peek at a young Mary at the back of the room. And there were some tired saints wishing they could retire to a sleeping mat somewhere. There were probably people huddled reminiscing of favorite times with Christ.
The only command was to tarry in Jerusalem not Dachau! When Jesus from heaven poured out the promise of the Father on the obedient 120 disciples it began a flow that has not stopped over the face of the earth. They tarried for Jesus' baptism. That is all the tarrying to be done!
We are not waiting on Jesus, He is waiting on us! The irony is that you are waiting on Jesus! No! You are the holdup! If you want this bad enough you will receive it. Ironically your tarrying is the very hindrance because it is a gift and a promise.
I was entering my ninth year of tarrying! I was not giving up but this altar experience was not working and it would not work. I was "sitting" and suddenly I was filled with the promise of the Father! I leaped into the air feeling like I would reach the ceiling. Before my feet touched the floor I was speaking in tongues and praising God. I was endued with power from on high.
Everyone looked back to see what the commotion was. The tarrying stopped and all joined me in praising God. We rejoiced back to the Wise's quarters and that night I knelt by the couch, my bed, and prayed away most of the night in tongues. At Kaiserslautern I met up with fellowship brethren from Munich and we rejoiced in the German streets running, speaking in tongues and praising God. Were the Germans understanding us? I don't know. Was there a gift of interpretation of tongues? I don't think so. We had a personal prayer language. I know that.
So here is the application. I believe it was Tozer who said "no one was filled with the Holy Spirit in a way that he doubted he was filled!" If you doubt you were filled then you probably were never filled. There are two conditions. This sounds contradictory doesn't it? First, sit down, stop resisting, stop hindering and start believing in Christ to baptize you. Let him 'gift' you this promise. He will not 'gift' you a stone or a snake. His eagerness to 'gift' you is greater than your expectation to receive it. Can't you see the self hindrances you put up? I can already hear you saying, "now that speaking in tongues is crazy!" "I will never do that!" "You'll never catch me jumping up and acting a fool!" Well, let me say, you won't receive it! You will never experience the baptism of Christ though you know the baptism of the Holy Spirit.
Second and connected to the first is you have to "hit the street" with this baptism. You have to "go into the world" speaking the marvelous mysteries of God. You have to proclaim it in the market place, every place that commerce is transacted you have to be heard and not just seen.
Now this will not be a decision on your part to be heard and not just seen. It is a product of the filling. You will be swept outside. If you are not being heard in the streets then you have not been filled. Absolutely! Not seen in the world but heard in the world. Shame and this baptism don't mix. Bashfulness is swept away by this baptism. If you are ashamed and bashful before the world, if you are intimidated by what men think or say, YOU HAVE NOT BEEN BAPTIZED BY CHRIST IN BIBLICAL FASHION.
Well, I said many of you will not be able to receive this and now you know why! Go, sit, contemplate your commitment and then receive this promise. Maybe, though I truly doubt it, you may receive this endowment with out acting like a fool and "speaking in tongues" but when you are filled you will know it. You will speak the mysteries of God and that in itself is a "foreign language" to most evangelicals today. When you are filled and you know it "speaking in tongues" will be a piece of cake and the world will think you are a fool!
January 2, 2009
My Testimony: Arrested Development
Not till quarter to midnight December 31, 2005 did I realize what had happened to me when I was thirteen years old. My wife and I were watching TV. I had my Bible open to John 16 and was sharing with my wife what I was reading, I dropped to the floor and on my knees said to her, "honey, when I was a boy I was hit in the face with a pie!"
Immediately I thought to my self, "where did that come from?" I had never told anyone about that incident. It was 45 years ago! I was downtown McMinnville, Tennessee and we were celebrating our sesquicentennial founding of Warren County. I was alone and trying to elbow my way into the crowd to see the pie throwing event. Pies were being thrown at local celebrities. Someone thought it would be cute to hit an unsuspecting individual and I was that person. Suddenly I was the focus of the crowd and everyone was laughing at me. People still laugh at me when I tell this but it traumatized me to the core. I had to go to the 'colored' bathroom that was used as a homeless bathroom. It was filthy and the pie dried to my face making it difficult to clean it off.
I never told anyone about that event. It entered my deep psyche and remained hidden for 45 years. It left me frightened of crowds, always afraid of people laughing at me. It robbed me of my own human potential. I lived 45 years with this deep buried secret. I went on with life, Army, college, marriage, family, career and on the morning of December 20th, 2005 did what I did every morning while taking a shower; bang my head on the shower wall and repeat over and over, "I am so stupid." That was my life's mantra for 45 years.
Immediately I thought to my self, "where did that come from?" I had never told anyone about that incident. It was 45 years ago! I was downtown McMinnville, Tennessee and we were celebrating our sesquicentennial founding of Warren County. I was alone and trying to elbow my way into the crowd to see the pie throwing event. Pies were being thrown at local celebrities. Someone thought it would be cute to hit an unsuspecting individual and I was that person. Suddenly I was the focus of the crowd and everyone was laughing at me. People still laugh at me when I tell this but it traumatized me to the core. I had to go to the 'colored' bathroom that was used as a homeless bathroom. It was filthy and the pie dried to my face making it difficult to clean it off.
I never told anyone about that event. It entered my deep psyche and remained hidden for 45 years. It left me frightened of crowds, always afraid of people laughing at me. It robbed me of my own human potential. I lived 45 years with this deep buried secret. I went on with life, Army, college, marriage, family, career and on the morning of December 20th, 2005 did what I did every morning while taking a shower; bang my head on the shower wall and repeat over and over, "I am so stupid." That was my life's mantra for 45 years.
My Testimony: "God Saves Sinners"
I was regenerate at 10 years old! No one knows when they became regenerate but they know when they confessed their sins and were baptized. Youth camp on Lee Highway, east of Chattanooga, Tennessee was the place I first received remission of sins. I remember weeping as we sung "Oh how I Love Jesus" standing on sawdust and wood shavings in an old open air tabernacle!
Even though I was raised a Wesleyan Pentecostal I was a Calvinist before I knew what Calvinism was. My family listened to local radio, especially Church programs and gospel singing. I heard an old fashion Baptist preacher say Sunday after Sunday we are "sinners saved by grace." That was the little leaven that leavened the whole loaf. I never read what John Calvin wrote. In fact I never heard about Calvin till college. The words of that old preacher went to the core of my being and remained steadfast. Nobody knew better than me that I was a sinner "saved by grace" and when Wesleyan preachers said, "we are not sinners saved by grace, we are saints of the most high," I knew better. While everyone else was confusing glorification with sanctification, I was a young sinner in a struggling process of sanctification seeking what B. B. Warfield called "that sight of the majesty of God that pervades all of life and all of experience."
I overheard adults describe a god who observes human lives from atop a tall building and he sees the cars in collision courses and therefore has knowledge of what is going to happen. "He doesn't force us to do something we don't want to do" they said. I said, "my God has to be bigger than that!"
I knew I was weak and had only a little strength and if I was to keep his word I would need a God bigger than that, otherwise I was on too many collision courses. As a young lad I focused on a sovereign God and not my human potential.
Even though I was raised a Wesleyan Pentecostal I was a Calvinist before I knew what Calvinism was. My family listened to local radio, especially Church programs and gospel singing. I heard an old fashion Baptist preacher say Sunday after Sunday we are "sinners saved by grace." That was the little leaven that leavened the whole loaf. I never read what John Calvin wrote. In fact I never heard about Calvin till college. The words of that old preacher went to the core of my being and remained steadfast. Nobody knew better than me that I was a sinner "saved by grace" and when Wesleyan preachers said, "we are not sinners saved by grace, we are saints of the most high," I knew better. While everyone else was confusing glorification with sanctification, I was a young sinner in a struggling process of sanctification seeking what B. B. Warfield called "that sight of the majesty of God that pervades all of life and all of experience."
I overheard adults describe a god who observes human lives from atop a tall building and he sees the cars in collision courses and therefore has knowledge of what is going to happen. "He doesn't force us to do something we don't want to do" they said. I said, "my God has to be bigger than that!"
I knew I was weak and had only a little strength and if I was to keep his word I would need a God bigger than that, otherwise I was on too many collision courses. As a young lad I focused on a sovereign God and not my human potential.
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